Art of God

I noted the first signs & symptoms of this shift to be a physical manifestation. In my personal history, this is a rare occurrence. The ancestral trauma that was leaving my body caused constant vertigo. Basically, it is a temporary and most distracting inner ear problem. After that diminished (happily and thankfully), I was reminded by Brooks to be both gentle and patient with myself – wiser words… After exploring this instruction, I realized that, indeed, I was probably harder and more impatient with myself than with anybody I know: I have been more gentle and patient with strangers on the streets of Gotham than I have been with myself.

As the ancestral trauma continues its departure, taking the vertigo with it, I realize that in its wake are revealed things that I do not remember having felt in my life. It is as if an extremely low tide has exposed great treasure that has existed just below the waves that I had never seen, nor ever imagined existed. This treasure is an opportunity for me to shift my life completely from who I thought I was. I can embrace a being that I never knew existed – or was not allowed to believe or did not allow myself to believe existed. This being is actually me – who I am.

I’m still integrating this experience and clearing the ancestral trauma, so it’s very new. I was describing to a friend that in this process, I felt as if I were a Monarch Butterfly caterpillar who has just shed and is now a chrysalis. Within that green exterior, beautifully decorated with the gold studs, a remarkable transformation is taking place within on a molecular level.

At first, as things rearrange themselves within the chrysalis, there is mush and seeming chaos. As time goes on and the shift continues, the molecules align and re-order themselves most beautifully, all in their own divine and right timing, and, yes, with gentleness and patience. Then, when all is ready, the new form frees and unfolds itself from the confines of the chrysalis as a butterfly, to spread its wings, dry itself, and eventually fly off to complete its life purpose. It is yet the same being as it was when it was an egg, a caterpillar, and a chrysalis. It simply has a new form which enables it to complete its task. We, on the other hand, change little on the outside, but undergo energetic metamorphoses, which allow us to complete our tasks.

At this point, I feel that I am no longer contained, chaotic, molecular mush. I feel myself reconstructing and aligning naturally, and a new kind of order is manifesting and flourishing within me. What that looks like in my life right now is this. I have found and applied for a position within the United Nations, and am holding space for a preliminary interview, call-back interviews and an offer. I have also met some people who have opened me to the possibilities of expanding who I am in the world, and stepping into that world as who I am. To support that, I will create a much more dynamic website for my work, which may contain streaming video, a newsletter, daily or weekly messages or quotes, links to sell my written and recorded products, and links to the sites of other people or organizations with which I want my readers/clients to play. I’m not ready for this level of website just yet, but as I realign and reconstruct, I become more and more ready to explore these possibilities and allow this evolution to flourish.

At the same time, I also have learned of the strong and distracting pull of the middle class experience of reality, also known as the “Box”. It is a very subtle, but very powerful and seductive, fear-based experience that may even take the form of an opportunity that exists outside the “Box”. The experience offered may well be outside, however, it is, in reality, another box that exists outside of, and is an extension of the first “Box”. After this opportunity was presented to me, I was fortunate enough to feel it for what it was, trust my intuition, and withdraw from it. This was a valuable and empowering lesson.

It’s all so new. As my energy continues to re-order itself, as my trauma moves out, and I heal, I gain greater and greater freedom to allow myself to grow into new possibilities. I’m walking out onto those tidal flats with love and wonder, and marveling at this newly exposed treasure that I am. I happily embrace this new form of who I am, with gentleness, grace and patience.

Aloha,

Kimio