Art of God

I find it hard, recently, to find a subject for another post. Everything seems to be part of a space, part of oneness, hard to distinguish something enough to actually write about it.

There are ways of experiencing reality, ways of relating - those can be described - but they are only one of many different ways, one of many perspectives, so why write about them?

To change a subject a bit - I just came back from vacation in Paris few days ago. I find traveling to another country, to another continent, a wonderful opportunity to realize who I am and who I am not.

I walked my dog late this morning. It was about 11am and already really, really hot. Ojai is a very hot place, summers are sometimes hard for me to handle. I come from a much colder country and I don't think I'm constructed for this level of heat - it numbs me down, saps my energy, muddles my head, turns me into a zombi. I usually spend summer days in Ojai in whatever air conditioned spot I can find, emerging only in the evening, when it gets cooler.

There was no help for it today though, Ghani needed to be walked so away we went. As I walked surrounded by hot air, under a glaring sun, trying not to react too much, I became aware of a change in nature. Trees felt different, there was an aspect to them that usually is not there (or that usually I can't feel).

I didn't want to wake up yesterday. I opened my eyes and thought: "I have to get up. But why? So that I can go to work? Again?! I don't want to go to work, I'm tired of work! Might as well stay in bed."

Why would i feel that, I wondered as I dragged myself out of bed. I work at home, I don't have to go anywhere I don't want to be, what I do is what I have chosen to do, I like doing it, no one forces me to do anything, so ... why would I feel that I have no choice? Why would I feel this tiredness and resistance?

I walked around trees this morning, listening. They are different in rain, serene, quiet.

I expected to feel the quietness from them, sleepiness almost, because they were so still. Instead I felt an incredible, indescribably powerful aliveness. It was quite amazing to feel it - the trees were so powerfully alive, more alive that I have ever experienced myself, or anything other than myself, to be.

Their aliveness did not require action, did not need "doing", did not need emotions, excitement, passion, need, terror, pain, pleasure ... it did not express itself in movement, it expressed itself purely and only as itself ... nothing else ... just pure, absolute aliveness, only that, nothing more.

It makes me think that we, humans, are really missing something here. We seem to believe that one has to move to be alive. One has to feel, need, want, desire, fear.

Do all the needs, drives, passions, emotions make us alive, or do they distract us from being alive?

There are points in life when one makes a decision. Whether we are aware of it or not in this crucial moment we take a step - and this step determines the direction of our life. I have missed several of those steps/occasions in the past.

For me it was either stepping into who I am, God, and having my life change completely or ... remain with what I know, what's familiar and safe. Being blissfully unaware that there was a decision to make I would simply float along, down the path of least resistance, until I was brought back to my senses weeks later, usually by Brooks, who would call me to tell me that I fell so hard that I barely have a soul left.

I just finished reading Michelangelo's biography. As I read it it struck me, again and again, that the reality he lived in was drastically different from the reality everyone else occupied. His ideas, believes, values, had nothing to do with those of his fellow creatures.

It brought back a subject of genius, something I thought about before. Michelangelo was a genius, no question about that. With his art, his sculptures, his frescos, he changed reality. He completely turned around how people thought about art, he created a revolution, and he completed it.

What was his genius though - was it that he was so very talented? I don't think so. I think that a very talented person is a very talented person, a genius is another thing all together.